02 Nov Uncertainty in the Air

Does anyone else have a lingering feeling of uncertainty? Something about this first week of November…

Uncertainty can be uncomfortable, no? For me it feels like my head’s lost in the clouds. I don’t know where my body is, but it’s not with my head. It can be confusing, frustrating, and unpleasant. Uncertainty means I can’t guess what’s next and that can make me feel powerless and impotent. 

One of the most uncertain times of my life was when I first started working in Corporate America. (It feels weird capitalizing that.) When I finally quit it felt like jumping off a cliff with the small hope that I’d land on one of those clouds. I didn’t know if I’d make it. It felt like life and death.

But I jumped anyway. And I didn’t know that it wasn’t life and death until I was on the other side, surviving.

The sun still set in the west and I still got hungry at lunchtime.

And you know what else? I haven’t stopped feeling uncertain since.

It wasn’t a jump into certainty that did the trick. The lesson for me was to be uncertain and go about doing the best I can regardless. The good news is that now, uncertainty doesn’t as often leave me feeling confused, frustrated, powerless, and impotent.

Why not?

My head stays connected to my body. That is, when I stick my head in the clouds (which I love doing), I keep my feet firmly planted on the earth. This doesn’t come naturally to me, which is where yoga comes in handy.

I deal with my uncertainty with my practice. It grounds me in my body, which is held fast to the earth by gravity. My body is here and now; it inhabits the present moment. It’s a solid resource, a home that’s always with me.

Without a mindful, embodied practice, I’m liable to forget all about my body and get carried away on the wind, which is way too anxiety causing to be an acceptable option.

It’s not always easy to get going in my practice, that is, focus my mind on my body. Sometimes my mood makes it very difficult to drag myself off the furniture and onto the floor, but do it I must if I’m to make the best choice for myself. Do I want to feel better or do I want to spiral? (Not gonna lie, sometimes I go with spiral. I’m not perfect.)

Here’s the simple thing. Yoga keeps me connected, focuses my mind, and teaches me again and again what is certain to happen: I’m gonna take another breath. And another and another until I take my last one.

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